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Sooo incredibly good

I'm glad that it's difficult.  I'm glad that I've cried. Today is my official "moving day"...and I'm glad it's going to be hard. 

I've been thinking, doing, ignoring everything needed not to feel sad.  I wanted this move to be all goodness and excitement.  I didn't want to add what I thought would be negativity by letting myself feel sad.  Somehow, I felt like being sad was equivalent to being ungrateful...and I do NOT want to be ungrateful.

But the other day, I couldn't hold it anymore as I cried, and told my sister, Bek, "I'm sooo sorry because I feel like you and Heidi are getting the worst end of this move.  I've been on the side where someone else's life is changing, and even though it's hard for them, there's the excitement of newness and change.  I know that for you and Heidi, the only change that comes with this is the sad side of it...and I'm soooo sorry.  I wish I could reverse it somehow."  

She said to me, "Don't be sorry...it's only hard because it's been soooo incredibly good.  It's hard because we were lucky to have gotten the past couple years and we just don't want it to change.  If it hadn't been sooo good, it wouldn't be so hard."

And that's when I knew that feeling sad was the evidence of what had been "sooo incredibly good."  Yesterday, I had so many people in church tell me they were going to be praying, visiting me, and looking for me to come home...I felt sad...and I knew it was the evidence of good.

I pack up my car today for the final part of my move.  Tonight, I'll be sleeping on a mattress in Chicago. I have no doubt that the drive to my new home will be filled with mixed emotions...I'll be going to a Christmas party with some friends up there tonight, I'll think of all the fun and exciting times these next couple years are going to be, I plan to embrace being a Chicagoan with all of me...I'll live one of my favorite quotes by Jim Elliot, "Wherever you are BE. ALL. THERE. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God."  I'm all in...

...but I'm also going to let myself admit that it's hard and feel that with the excitement comes sadness...because it's just been soooo incredibly good.  And I'm blessed to be able to say that...and feel it.  So, I'm off, friends!  I'll see you on the flip-side.

"We're almost there 
and nowhere near it. 
All that matters is we're going...
hello world." ~ Lorelai Gilmore


Daveana said...

Tami! This is so exciting! Looking forward to hearing about your experiences in Chicago! Good luck with the move! =]

leah said...

so so exciting. love being able to sneak along with you in this journey! love you and wish you the absolute best!

alisonsutter said...

Amen. I'm glad it's sad too :) thanks for the perspective. And I'm so visiting.

Amanda said...

SO EXCITED for you!!!! And can't wait to see you tonight!

Taryn said...

Tami! Whenever you share your heart, I seriously feel like your actions and thoughts are so similar to how I handle situations. I totally relate to your "afraid to be sad" emotions and your insight that it only represents an amazing journey and people here. Just know that everyone you hold dear in Central IL is cheering you on as you start a new chapter in Chicago, and YES, we will visit (I will be taking you up on your offer!)

Have a joyful (even if it's bittersweet) first week in Chicago...


evanhuntphoto.com said...

can't wait to have you Tami! I'm bummed I won't see you for a week or so but I'll come say hi as soon as I can!

Tara said...

Have a safe trip! I will miss all of our fence post chats....well at least as regularly as we do now, but I'm thankful that Chicago is an easy day trip and now I have another reason to visit the city. :-) Love you!

Aubrey said...

So exciting Tami! Best of luck with everything! Can't wait to have you photograph us again up here - without having to coordinate a trip for you!! :)

emilykate said...

Bittersweet, indeed! Best of luck!

Erin said...

Praying for you during this time of transition! You are doing AMAZING! Love & Blessings!

A. Cindy said...

Wow, TamTam! Didn't realize your move was today...God go with you, and go with God, my dear one! Loving you oceans!

smw said...

what sweet thoughts. best wishes tonight!! love you lots!

Daish said...

Aww, I thought of you throughout the past few days...not realizing where you were at in your move. I'll be praying for you this week. Love ya, Tam!

Dave and Marilyn said...

I am excited for you as you step out into a new adventure!!! I have moved many times and had many changes in my life! It is always hard to move because you see what you are leaving behind but it takes a while to see what you are gaining in the new place! I hope all goes well- that you feel at home in your new place quickly, that you make new friends and settle into a new routine with ease!!
Wishing you the best, Marilyn and Ed

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