I just read that last paragraph, and I've already confused myself...but let's keep going and I'll see if I can tie this up in a nice little bow in the end. Challenge accepted.
If you've been a follower of my blog, you may have noticed that I'm somewhat of a spotty blogger. In college, I would faithfully write crazy things that happen in my life, when I worked for State Farm, my "Dale and Kathy" stories were pretty regular, and we'd play a lot of fun games. I loved to blog...it was an outlet. I didn't scrutinize what I wrote and I was okay with people getting a peek into my crazy little life.
...and then I started a business...and my blog became an intricate part of that business. I decided that I needed to be more professional. I put away the silly games. I stopped writing about the people in my every day life. I knew any picture I posted needed to be a "good representation" of my work. And with that, I'm going to be honest, I've lost what I loved most about blogging...which was an outlet for how I see life.
I hear myself often say that I'm a blogger who happens to also take pictures. But that's not really true. The truth is, that's what I wish I could be. I wish I could write honestly, tell stories that aren't necessarily going to cleanly sift through the "professional" test.
I'm going to be honest with you...I'm bad with criticism. And I hate to write this because I know we all need it...so I'm not necessarily wanting to discourage it. However, if we've talked one on one, and you've asked me about blogging, you've probably heard me say that the most criticism I get in my business is in regards to my blog. Somewhere along the way, I've come to a place where I worry about the emails I may get, the texts I may receive...I worry too much about what people are going to think and how I may make people uncomfortable. I'm trying to fit into a square, a circle, and some weird spandexy pair of pants (ew, sorry for the visual), that I just can't seem to figure out.
There are so many incredible photographers out there who beautifully manage their way through posts that glide on the heartstrings, as there are amazing pictures intricately placed through the lines. They make me laugh, and cry, and I want them to take my pictures.
But what I've come to finally admit to myself is this...I don't blog to get clients. It doesn't work for me. I do get clients because of my blog, but it's not in the way I think or the way I write. I honestly don't know how to think, "This is a post a potential client may like...oh, this isn't"...because they're all different. I come from a very conservative background but am also an artist, so with that, my friends span the entire spectrum from very conservative to extremely liberal...there's just no avoiding the "you're going to be offended" card. It's not my intention to upset anyone, but I know if I talk about my love for Jesus, some will find it offensive, and if I post a music video that I adore of a band I just discovered, others won't be happy. But trying to remain gray has, in the end, made me look at many of my posts and wonder who's writing them.
So take a deep breath friends...I'm ready to declare. :) I can't blog like a professional photographer. Because what happens is that I just don't blog at all. So take this as a warning or however you see it...but I'm going to just have to be too personal some days...probably most days. :) I'll be honest, I kinda get annoyed with the phrase, "I need to be me" 'cause usually to me, that's code for, "I'm selfish and I'm going to do what I want"...but somehow, that's what I feel like I'm saying here. I don't know how to write like someone else...so I'm afraid I'm going to be too personal at times, and not personal enough at others. I may touch on things socially, religiously, culturally, that people may not like...but that's just how it's going to be. Life isn't always pretty pictures and sunny days...there are days that are kind of awful, and I'm giving myself permission to talk about those.
Granted, this blog still isn't my journal and I'm not going to let it ALL hang out...but I guess I'm giving you a heads-up, that I'm afraid the girl that played 20 questions, that analyzed the alphabet, and wrote about being terrified I may not book another client...is still here, and I'm inviting her back into this space.
If you're still reading this, I give you major props, and I probably owe you a coffee. :) I can't thank you enough for having ever taken the time to read this blog. Honestly...it always means the WORLD to me when someone tells me they read it. I'm never sure why, but I love it and would hug each of you if possible. :)