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She's back


You may want to pop that bottle of whatever, grab a cup of coffee...or whatever it is you grab when you're about to have an, "oh man, this is going to be one of 'those'" kind of conversations.  :)  Yeah...it's coming.  I guess I could just not really talk about it, but for some reason, especially lately, I feel the need to declare things in my life. Ha!  It's more for me than you...because, most often, until I force myself to say something, I don't know what I really think...or believe...or am going to stand by.

I just read that last paragraph, and I've already confused myself...but let's keep going and I'll see if I can tie this up in a nice little bow in the end.  Challenge accepted.

If you've been a follower of my blog, you may have noticed that I'm somewhat of a spotty blogger.  In college, I would faithfully write crazy things that happen in my life, when I worked for State Farm, my "Dale and Kathy" stories were pretty regular, and we'd play a lot of fun games.  I loved to blog...it was an outlet.  I didn't scrutinize what I wrote and I was okay with people getting a peek into my crazy little life.

...and then I started a business...and my blog became an intricate part of that business.  I decided that I needed to be more professional.  I put away the silly games.  I stopped writing about the people in my every day life.  I knew any picture I posted needed to be a "good representation" of my work.  And with that, I'm going to be honest, I've lost what I loved most about blogging...which was an outlet for how I see life.

I hear myself often say that I'm a blogger who happens to also take pictures.  But that's not really true.  The truth is, that's what I wish I could be.  I wish I could write honestly, tell stories that aren't necessarily going to cleanly sift through the "professional" test.

I'm going to be honest with you...I'm bad with criticism.  And I hate to write this because I know we all need it...so I'm not necessarily wanting to discourage it.  However, if we've talked one on one, and you've asked me about blogging, you've probably heard me say that the most criticism I get in my business is in regards to my blog.  Somewhere along the way, I've come to a place where I worry about the emails I may get, the texts I may receive...I worry too much about what people are going to think and how I may make people uncomfortable.  I'm trying to fit into a square, a circle, and some weird spandexy pair of pants (ew, sorry for the visual), that I just can't seem to figure out.

There are so many incredible photographers out there who beautifully manage their way through posts that glide on the heartstrings, as there are amazing pictures intricately placed through the lines.  They make me laugh, and cry, and I want them to take my pictures.

But what I've come to finally admit to myself is this...I don't blog to get clients.  It doesn't work for me. I do get clients because of my blog, but it's not in the way I think or the way I write.  I honestly don't know how to think, "This is a post a potential client may like...oh, this isn't"...because they're all different.  I come from a very conservative background but am also an artist, so with that, my friends span the entire spectrum from very conservative to extremely liberal...there's just no avoiding the "you're going to be offended" card.  It's not my intention to upset anyone, but I know if I talk about my love for Jesus, some will find it offensive, and if I post a music video that I adore of a band I just discovered, others won't be happy.  But trying to remain gray has, in the end, made me look at many of my posts and wonder who's writing them.

So take a deep breath friends...I'm ready to declare. :)  I can't blog like a professional photographer.  Because what happens is that I just don't blog at all.  So take this as a warning or however you see it...but I'm going to just have to be too personal some days...probably most days. :)  I'll be honest, I kinda get annoyed with the phrase, "I need to be me" 'cause usually to me, that's code for, "I'm selfish and I'm going to do what I want"...but somehow, that's what I feel like I'm saying here.  I don't know how to write like someone else...so I'm afraid I'm going to be too personal at times, and not personal enough at others.  I may touch on things socially, religiously, culturally, that people may not like...but that's just how it's going to be.  Life isn't always pretty pictures and sunny days...there are days that are kind of awful, and I'm giving myself permission to talk about those.

Granted, this blog still isn't my journal and I'm not going to let it ALL hang out...but I guess I'm giving you a heads-up, that I'm afraid the girl that played 20 questions, that analyzed the alphabet, and wrote about being terrified I may not book another client...is still here, and I'm inviting her back into this space.

If you're still reading this, I give you major props, and I probably owe you a coffee. :)  I can't thank you enough for having ever taken the time to read this blog.  Honestly...it always means the WORLD to me when someone tells me they read it.  I'm never sure why, but I love it and would hug each of you if possible. :)

Much love.
Tami


20 comments:

leah said...

i'm glad your back! i have always loved loved loved your blog and the fun way you write! keep it coming, girlie. :)

Amanda Miller said...

Is it too much to say, 'You go girl!'? LOL But, seriously....do it your own way! I probably get too personal all.the.time. But I feel good about not trying to hard to make my blog a certain thing.

Cindy said...

Yep, I read it. And I love reading it. And I love you! Have a great day. Cindy

Anonymous said...

Glad you're back Tami! If I remember correctly, you and I touched on various topics we didn't totally agree on while working in the fields of all places! My mom always used to tell me to "stay true to yourself." And I'm glad you're doing that Tam. I think it's when we are the most happy in life really.
Love
Sunita
Ps you owe me a coffee:)

Rebekah said...

I'm so glad to read this Tam...I guess I'm your sister so I can say that I've felt a little like you sometimes wondering where Tami is in some of your posts. I've missed your honest thoughts written out and all your "silly nothings". Looking forward to seeing more of you on here again!

love you tons

Miranda said...

I read it word for word, I'm glad you are back! I always enjoy reading your blog :)

~Christy said...

SO excited to see the real Tami come back in all her glory on the blog! I love you in real life, and am so excited to see the real you here again!!! Who cares what other people say! XOXO!

Kasey said...

Love YOU!!!

Megy said...

I totally understand the pressure of the grey area. I'm so glad you're declaring your freedom from it. Your personality is a breath of fresh air. And it needs color! Welcome back, Tami! (also, long time reader, first time commenter :) ~Megan

Kelly Knecht said...

Well, I popped open some sour patch kids and thoroughly enjoyed your post! Thanks for keeping it real! I'll look forward to more posts :) Especially the silly or "non-professional" ones.
Maybe you can start a movement of real/lifestyle posts for all the other prof. photography bloggers :)

Tasha said...

Love your blog, Tami!! Glad your back to blogging and can't wait to read your future posts!!

emilykate said...

I always think, if you can't be yourself on your blog, where can you? Love who you are!

alisonsutter said...

Three cheers for silly nothings!!

Matt & Bekah said...

Yay - glad you're back! I've missed reading your musings :)

MarknBarb said...

I'll take a hug and the cup of coffee! Welcome back to the real world!

Barb

Klint & Sarah said...

yay! One of my favorite blogs is up and running again :)

heidi said...

I agree with Bek, and everyone else...looking forward to future posts and always enjoy seeing new posts!!

Pam said...

Be who God wants you to be. That's all that really matters.

Love you so much!

smw said...

I've always loved ur silly nothings. But I love u however.

christine said...

Welcome back; love you just as you are!

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