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A million and one...

...that's the number of emotional roller coasters I've ridden these past two months ever since I made the decision to leave State Farm.  They started out as feelings of "Oh my. What did I do?".  But those feelings quickly turned to excitement.  Fun.  Complete confidence that I'd made the right decision. 
That quickly moved into questioning timing.  Questioning career choice. Questioning photography and whether I like it or not. Questioning
Those questions led me to complete and utter fear.  So much fear in fact that when my cousin Tara asked what we should do to celebrate my last day at State Farm, my response was,
"I'm not going to feel like celebrating. 
Instead, I'm going to want to sit in my closet and rock back and forth". 
...You think I'm kidding...I wish I was.  
I was talking to a friend this past Sunday.  I found myself spilling to her about how I am so full of fear, that I feel paralyzed.  I don't even remember her response except for two phrases..."Satan brings doubt" and "Gratitude".  I don't even know that they were in reference to my complete meltdown.  All I know is that I knew the first and I'd forgotten the latter.
Those two phrases led me to ask God to give me a peace about this decision...but more importantly, I'm so thankful that I get to take this chance.  It feels like a shot in the dark...it really does...but a shot nonetheless.
Tonight, as my coworkers and I sat and laughed, told stories, and just shared life, I've been a little sad.  Nope, I'm a lot sad...I tease about my job a lot, but it has offered me great friendships and experiences that I won't forget.  I feel like singing that Keith Urban song, Tonight I Want To Cry...not about a boy, but about life changing
One good thing is that I generally tend to be someone who loves where I'm at in life...so I don't doubt that's how I will feel with this next step, but I just felt like mentioning tonight that I'm almost done hereOne more night...and I'm going to miss it

10 comments:

Alesa said...

Hey Tam, something my dad once said has always stuck with me. What makes change so hard and scary is that "you know what you are losing, but don't know what you are getting in return." I've found that to be so true! Praying for you as you leave the Farm! Love, Alesa

arlan and katie said...

Awh Tams-my heart aches/feels for you! Arlan and I will vamp up our prayers on behalf of our Tam-Tam...I feel like it was just yesterday you said that your last day at SF was in early Dec....and now it's here!

We love you girl...since Arlan loves maps & atlases, this will play a part in my encouragement.

know God already has his big atlas all mapped out for Tami's life but like my much wiser friend above already reminded you, you don't necessarily KNOW what that means and often times, it doesn't mean staying in our comfort zones.

Just think though, what if that road map for your life & photography business leads you to a New Zealand or a Fiji or the French Riviera?! The possibilities are endless if we trust my friend. The fear is a natural mankind response yet think of the positive options that lay in front of you!

You are a talented young lady who has much to offer from behind the camera & with your tech-savvy skills...never forget this. Touching peoples lives with photos & memories is a rarity and you definitely possess those skills.
We believe in you Tam-Tam...take one step & one day at a time!

Love-A, K, & H

Kasey said...

Thanks for the update, Tam. I wasn't sure when your last day was, but I will definitely be praying for you as you close this chapter in your life, in order to pursue another dream. You are so talented and I'm so excited to see your talent explode as you devote more of your time to it! I love you and miss you loads. Come on up anytime you've got a free day. I'd love it!!! We'll be pretty much homebound for the next few months with the baby due at the end of of December!

leah said...

aw...this makes me sad...change is hard..but hard is normally worth it :)

i'll add another 'dad quote':

'don't cry b/c it's over...smile b/c it happened'

(i think he MAY have stole that from dr seuss)

excited to see you around more roomie!!

leisle deisle said...

hang in there champ :) love you, friend!

Anonymous said...

Praying for you, Tam-Tam. Call me, ok?

Love,
Aunt Pam

Erin said...

Storming the gates for you Tami. So proud of you and excited to see where God is leading. Love and Blessings from JA!

Jill said...

THanks for sharing Tami. I can see how you would feel all those things. This is a big step of faith. I know He is with you. Keep reminding yourself of that Truth. Excited to see how this new phase of your life unfolds!

taryn said...

Hi Tami!

I can identify... I remember when I quit my job back in the Fall of 07. It was hard for me to do, and my job was definitely not as stable or as promising as State Farm, so I am sure this has not been an easy decision for you! Nonetheless, I can still remember the day I had to give my boss my two weeks' notice. It seriously made me sick to my stomach. I can also remember the support of my family and friends, and that helped so much. At times, it does feel like a tug of war decision... you go back and forth, counting the pros and cons. In the end, though, know that God blessed you with this creative talent, and He will use you in it! While State Farm was a great job and very secure, it may not have been the place to fully use your gifts, and photography will be. It definitely takes a step of faith to rely on God to help you make your business successful, but if you keep him #1 in the highs and lows, He will be glorified in all that you do and will bless you in it! I know that for a fact because I'm living it! ;)

I'll tell you... it's not always easy. You'll experience bumps along the road and you will learn SO much in the first year or so, going from part-time to full-time in this endeavor. But it is worth it to do what you love, and Tami, you are so talented at it! Seriously!!

OK, I think I've written a book now. Just wanted to put my two cents' in. I'll be praying for you, Tami, as you step out in Faith and trust in God to keep you content, not second guess your decision, and do the best you can with what you have.

Taryn

smw said...

i hope you are feeling ok, here a few days after quiting. i love you!

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