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"Darling, I'm here for you."

If there's one thing I'm learning as I talk to people, it's that loving well does not come easily.

I paused the video I was watching; an interview with Thich Nhat Hanh and thought,"Wait...that was really good." I went to go grab my journal and a pen.  I played it back again.

He was talking about being in a relationship, be it family, a partner, spouse, or friendship.  When you are having some distance or conflict, he said to make the following your mantra...and it will greatly impact the course of that relationship...

This is what he said to say...

"Darling, I'm here for you."
Just being present, not only physically but mentally, is one of the best gifts I can give to someone. Show up. Be present in their life. My friend, Mike Meece, told me once, "So often, its just about showing up in life...showing up for that person." I know I can be looking at someone but my mind or heart is in a million different places. Darling, I'm here for you.

"Darling, I know you are there."
Or my version of this is, "Darling, I see you." I've said it before and I'll say it again, most of us just want to be seen...to be known.  I have some amazing people in my life who do this well...I may say one thing or sidestep something and they see past it. My aunt Cindy recently said to me, "Most of us are wanting to just know that we're enough. That we matter." To aknowledge  the value of someone in our life and to say, Darling, I know you...I know you are there...you. are. enough.  That goes the distance with me...I'd guess it does with most.

"Darling, I know you suffer...that is why I am here for you."
We all suffer, have times of conflict, pain...it's one of the laws of humanity.  I think of a couple times I've experienced real loss or pain and how that was difficult...but what I think is sometimes worse is to be the friend of someone suffering.  You want to fix it...to take it away...but usually, you can't (unless you're the cause of the pain!)...so one of the hardest but most healing things can be someone who will sit in that tension with you.  They will hold up your arms and say, I know you suffer...that is why I am here for you.

"Darling, I suffer.  Please help me."
This is the most difficult for me. Probably for most people. When I wrote this one down my response went something like this...
"Oh no. That sounds awful."
But when I read it again and imagined someone saying that to me?...it had a completely different sound to it. I think the word that came to mind was "beautiful"...it was beautiful. So why does it sound so difficult to say?  Because I'm proud. It's that simple. Saying that I suffer...asking for help...that sounds hard because my pride lies to me and says no one wants to hear that, don't bother others, don't be dramatic.  But my friend, Stu Reynolds told me a couple months ago, "You can't be upset about being in a situation if you're not willing to speak up and say you are."  It's easy to play the martyr and just wish things were different...but I know it takes my bravest self to say, Darling, I suffer. Please help me.

This image really has nothing to do with this post...just any excuse to show off my dear Ireland! :)


Christy Tyler said...

I love love love him!! This part in his book jumped out to me too! He says to say these things to yourself as well and to the parts of you we try to pretend don't exist. I really struggled with anger for a while (still do) and was ashamed of it. I wanted to hide it and pretend it wasn't a part of me and then I read this part in his book - and he says to acknowledge it. Tell it you are there for it and not ashamed. Anger, I see you. I know you suffer. I am here for you. .... Oh my word, it helped me SO much. I work on thing in my life too - saying these things to others, and at the very least, making them feel that way. I have time for you. I am here.

Love this so much, Tami. Thank you for the reminder today!! Can't wait to see you Friday!

Tami said...

Christy, I still haven't read the book, and he hadn't said that part in the interview...I love that! I feel like I'm going to have to think through that and process it a little. :) Thanks so much for posting that...I've already read it a few times!! And yes...very excited for Friday and getting to see ya!! :)

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